Spencer (after the party, closed.) TW: probably talking about violence

[callmeemily]

The smell of soup pretty much fills the house. It's a pattern that Raleigh doesn't even realise is establishing itself. Spencer withdraws, and Raleigh makes him soup. Sometimes he eats it, sometimes he doesn't, but she makes it, and it's a little different than last time. She doesn't leave it on the porch. Instead, she knocks on the door wherever he is, and usually tells him what kind it is, and sometimes she asks him if he wants company.

That's what happens right now, she knocks on the doorframe of his room, because he's sitting on the bed reading, and she's got two bowls of soup. "I made lunch," there's a smile, and worry in her eyes that's been there ever since this started the day before yesterday. "Chicken noodle. Feel like company?"

Comments

[callmeemily]

He just... lights up.

Both of them, when they talk about each other, they just light up, like it's that thing - that the sum is greater than the whole of the parts. Both of them are more with the other, and Raleigh's feelings on it...

She's so happy for them both. She's so happy that the man who offered her his own lunch found someone, that Joel found someone, that the Lighthouse, that Mark hadn't driven them apart. She's so proud of them, she's happy for them, and honestly, Raleigh loves them both like brothers, and if she could ask for one thing, ever since she was six years old, if she could have one wish it would be that the people she cares about, the people around her to be unrepentadly, deservably happy.

The joy she feels for him, because of the look on his face, the way his skin is redder, the smile on his lips - that's what gives her something to hide the way it oddly twists in her heart, because-- it started after Jason's... whatever, and then sort of continued, but recently it was when she had this talk with Joel a few days ago, and now... I was so empty. Before I met him, I was so empty, and I had no idea.

She thinks that maybe... she's empty, but she leans forward and squeezes his hand again, because she can be glad for him so incredibly easily. "I'm so happy for both of you," she says quietly, sincerely."So happy for both of you." She lets her hand slip from his, and he talks about backing the bakery, and she pulls in a breath.

"It's... If you want to do that, I want it to be... real. Formal, with papers. I'll pay you back." It's important, to her. "I just... I want to make sure that if this... if it doesn't work, nobody gets hurt. Joel said he's okay with actually signing contracts. Is... Is that okay? That's what I want to do." She knows it's out of left field, but she's a little (secretly, just a little) happy that it's not... her and relationships, that it's not him and relationships, just-

She's got Coop, who... that night on the cruise ship where they danced and she was in that dress, it meant the world to her, but it wasn't the same for him, she doesn't think; she's got Tonio, who is sweet but there's something about him that just sits... oddly, because- because. He calls her beautiful four times in a sentence, and she wonders-- she wonders what would happen if she didn't look the same.

So she's got Coop (who she doesn't actually have), Jason (who she absolutely doesn't have), and some guys who flirt with her in weird ways, and Spencer and Joel have this support in each other, and she hates the fact she envies them. That she wishes that she had what they have, it makes her dislike herself because she should just be thrilled for them, full stop. She'll never admit it because she doesn't want to hurt them, but maybe... maybe the solution was to get out more. Look for people to date. Something.