Raleigh Harper / Emily Watkins (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
callmeemily) wrote2014-07-04 10:49 pm
callmeemily) wrote2014-07-04 10:49 pm
CHEERING IS THE THING OF HAPPINESS OKAY (spencer/joel)
"Yes!" It was a surprised yelp of happiness, and the Waters house - so recently only being where Spencer lived, but somehow it'd abruptly become a bustling hub of activity - smelled amazing, and the kitchen - Spencer was out this morning, and it was probably good because his kitchen? Baked goods. Baked goods everywhere, and it was hot as hell with an exhaust fan in the window and there's cookies and a cake and just now, just now Raleigh's pulling bread out of the oven and it's fine. It's not burnt, it's golden brown and when she raps on it with a spoon it sounds just right and, "Thank you god."
The radio's blaring country music, and she's barefoot in one of Spencer's old t-shirts and a pair of cut off jean shorts, her hair pulled up into a messy bun on the top of her head. She got her stitches out three days ago, and she can bake again. Everything, everything, it's coming out perfect, and she's got flour smearing her cheek and the moment someone - anyone - comes in, they're getting food. She's got a pan on the stove that's stewing apples, and dough in the fridge and honestly, right this minute? Raleigh's in heaven.
The radio's blaring country music, and she's barefoot in one of Spencer's old t-shirts and a pair of cut off jean shorts, her hair pulled up into a messy bun on the top of her head. She got her stitches out three days ago, and she can bake again. Everything, everything, it's coming out perfect, and she's got flour smearing her cheek and the moment someone - anyone - comes in, they're getting food. She's got a pan on the stove that's stewing apples, and dough in the fridge and honestly, right this minute? Raleigh's in heaven.
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He breathes in the scents, a slow smile creeping across his own features until he can feel the corners of his eyes crinkle and he's happy to see her looking so bright. She's been having terrible nightmares, he knows that much, and he's got to give her the anise seed Joel's been providing him because his own have dulled so much over the past couple weeks. He knows that's mostly to do with Joel, with the fact that he goes to sleep every night with his boyfriend's arms around him and that comforting presence helps more than he can even say; but they can hardly invite Raleigh into their bed with them, she's not a child, and Spencer tries to be there for her after she wakes up but he knows from his own experience that it's often not enough.
He doesn't want to draw attention to that now, though, not when the kitchen smells so good after a few days of it smelling like her cookies have been spontaneously combusting, so he lives a hand in greeting to earn her attention. "I hope at least some of that will be reserved for me," he says with a short laugh. "Joel's on his way, too, so if there's any of this you'd like to protect from being eaten, I would highly suggest you hop to it."
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"As I recall, I'm not the one who ate all the ice cream in my freezer," he comments mildly, setting the groceries down and trying to bite back his amused smile. The bag he's brought is filled to the brim with the ingredients he needs to cook dinner for them both, pleased to finally have people to cook for instead of just settling in to dinner on his own. He's always loved cooking -- it reminds him of mixing potions in a lot of ways -- and he's far better at it than most people expect, but for at least the time being it seems like the kitchen is out of his control.
"In case I wasn't clear, it was Spencer who ate all the ice cream," he adds a second later, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his cheek, though his face flushes to be doing so in front of Raleigh.
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Because. Because she knows she has to get over them, to get past them, and deep down even though she trusts them, she's scared that every time it'll not just be Maybe this isn't the best place for you, but something worse that she can't even articulate, so she keeps it as secret as she can, and it doesn't come up, much.
That's why right now, she's grinning, bright and just happy, as if last night and the night before and the night before that never happened. She snags a cookie, breaking it in half. "You, eat this," she holds it up so Spencer can just eat it, and if he chooses to take it that's fine, but the intention is that no hands are needed. "And you, eat this." It's the other half - it was a caramel chocolate chip cookie, and she's making apple turnovers ostensibly for Joel although he probably won't get all of them, and she's making sticky buns for Levi and everything's for Spencer because she doesn't know yet what he actually likes besides sort of everything.
"Color me unsurprised. It's always the ones who look like they never eat who put it away. I mean, look at me." Which doesn't exactly hold true, because she's been skirting the line around not eating enough for a long time, but she still can devour a hell of a lot of food if given the opportunity.
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It's not a complete lie, he does and he doesn't depending on whether he remembers or not or how much coffee he's had in between. He leans into Joel's side, giving the other man a light hip-check before nodding toward the groceries that have been set down on the table. "Like he said, I've eaten all the ice cream, he keeps me very well sustained. I am very much looking forward to, what did you say? A meal that would never make me want to order in again?"
Between Raleigh's baking and Joel's cooking, Spencer suspects he'll never even want to leave the house again. It strikes him then, standing in his kitchen with his boyfriend at his side and Raleigh smiling at them both that this is the first time in a long time that this house has been so busy with activity. He hadn't ever expected the kitchen to be put to good use after his mother had passed; but then again, he hadn't expected gaining such a good friend in someone like Raleigh or finding someone he cares so deeply for on a level he hadn't ever realized he's capable of in Joel. He has to duck his head to hide the emotions he's sure are written all over his face and his breath hitches as he shuts his eyes to ward off memories of his mother shouting for him and Dane to come down for dinner or the three of them settling in to watch a movie on the couch together or heading out toward the dock for an impromptu family picnic.
He's forming a new family now, he realizes. Sometimes it hits him all over again, when he's leaving notes for Raleigh in the morning or rolling onto his side to kiss Joel goodnight, that he's so fortunate. The path that's brought them all here hasn't been kind, they're all working through their damages and trying to find ways to heal every day; but they have each other. It's taken him a long time to feel this way.
He snaps out of his thoughts, lifting his head to offer a wide smile to them both as he drifts toward the rest of the cookies that are laid out on the counter, tugging Joel along with him. "You're both going to regret spoiling me like this."
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Besides that, he thinks taking a night like this, where he doesn't have to think about how things with his parents might progress about their arrival is definitely not only fair, but owed him.
He follows Spencer easily enough, snagging the bag of groceries as they move past the table so he can put them in the refrigerator, but he has no issue with the fact that they're moving closer to the cookies. "You've done a lot," he comments and he's not entirely surprised, but he's impressed. Whenever he bakes all he gets out of it is a tray of cookies or a few loaves of banana bread, nothing like what Raleigh has done here.
Shifting the bag in his arms, he sets in on the counter, putting most of the food away in the fridge and then pushing the bag out of the way, leaving the rest of the food where it is for now. If they want him to cook, he's still more than happy to do so, but if Spencer is going to gorge himself on cookies, the groceries can wait until tomorrow. He moves to join Spencer again, one hand passing absently over the small of his back before he turns back to Raleigh and his gaze drifts over to the radio briefly, but he says nothing, because she's happy and that's good enough for him. "How many people are you baking for right now?"
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It's then she sees the emotion on Spencer's face, and her brows furrow for a second because she doesn't know if it's a good emotion or a bad one, and she just sort of stops where she is, her eyes flicking to Joel, and that's when she realises she's just... taken over the kitchen, and her stuff- it's everywhere, and Joel asks her how many people she's baking for-- "God, I didn't even realise how late it is," she clears her throat, feeling awkward, and she restacks the bowls she's used to put them away - she has a habit of washing while she works, so they're clean but the dishes are taking up space by the sink, and- "Just- when it cools, then- I mean, it won't be in the way long, the bread's just got to cool before I can put it away. There's- I was going to make- I can make them later," and the radio's blaring and she's pretty sure neither of them likes country music.
She doesn't get that it's okay, because she's read the whole thing sort of wrong and she's getting used to being a person again, to living with people who actually, genuinely like her.
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He's happy, genuinely happy that he's here with the two people who actually do know him best. Joel, of course, has become his confidante for nearly everything except for what Spencer simply can't bring himself to talk about--the minor harassment he still gets from the less civilized people in town, the nightmares that overpower him when he forgets to take the anise seed, the moments when he's alone and startles because he thinks he hears footsteps behind him--and as for Raleigh... well, they've exchanged their tragic stories, and Spencer hasn't done that for anyone.
But then she's switching off the radio and stammering something about the bread and putting things away, and he frowns, exchanging a quick glance with Joel before setting the cookie in his hand down and taking a step toward her. "Raleigh, it's fine," he says gently, slowly reaching out to rest a hand on her arm. "To be honest, I'm glad to see the kitchen being put to good use. With you baking and Joel wanting to cook, I--" He huffs out a laugh that doesn't have much humor behind it but he offers her a wry smile. "I like that things are busy here again. It's just another remind that I'm..." Not alone, he wants to say. He looks back at his boyfriend again, reaching out his other hand--and that he can do that at all is still so strange to him--for Joel to take. "I like that you're both here. I like that I can come home to people I care about." He pauses, narrowing his eyes and his smile becomes a bit more playful. "I also like coming home to baked goods and bread littering our kitchen counter, to be completely honest."
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"I didn't mean..." He takes Spencer's hand when he reaches out, letting him explain instead, because this is Spencer's home, after all, he's the one letting Raleigh stay here, he's the one who's practically letting Joel live with him, and although they've spent several nights at his apartment as well, they spend most of their time here and he knows it isn't his home, but in a way it's starting to feel like it is. Just a little. He knows he shouldn't presume and he certainly hadn't intended to make Raleigh feel bad.
"If it's about me cooking, I can do that any time," he adds a second later. "It's not important."
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She's still working on figuring out where she fits in all of this. She's only just started actually eating regular portions when they'd all eat together - she spent the first week picking at her food, taking the smallest amount possible because- because. Because she worried about being a leech, about not doing her share, about the fact that she had a place to stay. She was terrified of losing this place, because the nightmares - they were better than they could have been. She made the mistake of taking a nap while they were out once. Once, and she's never repeated it.
They're still bad. The nightmares are still bad, but it was nothing like that, nothing like knowing she was alone, and she'd be going back to that, if she left here. She's still nervous, even though it's getting better. She trusts both of them - that's the odd thing, she doesn't think they'd do it, but she's worried all the same.
That's why she'd been trying to pack it all up, to get it out of the way. She hesitates, and swallows thickly, and ventures- ".... I was making apple turnovers." Which... pretty much- they were for Joel, because that's what he liked. She liked all of it - everything she made, she liked; so she asked people what they liked, and made it for that, too. "So.. I mean, it'll be about another hour, but that at least has some nutrition, if you don't mind waiting? And you can make whatever for dinner, I won't be in the way since once they go in the oven, they just sort of... sit there."
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"The plan was for Joel to cook dinner for all of us," he tells her, giving her arm a soft squeeze. "It doesn't have to be now, it doesn't even have to be an hour from now, just... whenever we get around to it." He moves back from Raleigh after he gives her arm another reassuring squeeze and loops his arm through Joel's, needing the physical contact because he can't stop trying to replay everything that's happened in the last few moments that might have made Raleigh feel like she's unwelcome here. Having his arm locked with Joel's at the elbow makes him feel more grounded, makes it easier to think without the muck of self-doubt clouding his judgment of the situation.
"I was joking about having the cookies for dinner," he says, biting down at the corner of his lip because he doesn't know what he should be doing here, what he should be saying. "Sort of, I mean. We can do anything, it makes no difference to me. I'm more interested in the company than anything else." He picks up the cookie he'd left on the table and shrugs a shoulder as he stuffs the rest of it into his mouth. "If this is you being in the way then by all means, overcrowd us because it's yielding incredible results."
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"You're not in the way," he says, trying his best not to sound the way he usually does, trying to sound gentle. That's not what he wants her to think, especially not after the things she had told him, the things he knows that man had said to her. It's why she's here with them instead of trying to get through this alone and the last thing he wants her to think is that anything that man said to her was right. That she's easily forgotten or that they wouldn't notice if something happened to her.
He tries for a smile, then adds, "And I love apple turnovers." Which she knows and he knows she knows it. He doesn't expect that they're all for him, but the fact that she's making them at all is more than enough. He doesn't want her to think she needs to bake for them to want her around, but he thinks such things aren't so easily swallowed, especially after what she's been through. The only thing they can do is be there, take their time, help her realize she's not simply tolerated, but welcome.
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She paused, and her lips curled into a smile. "And, you know. Spencer can just provide emotional support." Because that's what he does, and she's grateful for all of it.
Everything they've done for her - the fact that Spencer opened up his home to her, that they've both been so incredibly kind-- both of them, and she swallows thickly. "I'm not used to living with people," she says after a second, because she feels like it needs an explanation. What's happened, that everything just 180'd so quickly. "I'm not used to it, so.... so I'm not... really- It's hard, sometimes, to sort of figure out what I should be doing." She says it lowly, and she looks between them and clears her throat. "So thanks. I mean- for being patient, I... appreciate it."
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"I'll do my best, though," he continues. He's set on keeping the mood bright, even if he's rubbish at it, and reaches for another cookie to hand to Joel. His expressions softens as Raleigh tries to provide an explanation because he gets it, he really does. "It's... strange for me, too. Having people here every day who aren't my, well, you know." He shrugs a shoulder. Strange, yes, and the circumstances for Raleigh's stay could probably have been just a little less traumatic, but he's glad she's here. He's glad he can offer her this because she deserves so much better than what she's gone through in her life. "Everything you're doing has been right so-- So please don't think we don't want you around. We do, I promise we do."
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"As the man whose reputation usually includes the words hermit and loner..." He trails off and shrugs, still smiling faintly, because he thinks they'll understand exactly what he's trying to say. Maybe it's why they've been able to find a way to open up to each other. They're all so used to being on their own, doing things without the help of others, and while Joel is completely certain it's been Spencer's influence on him that has made it easier, he thinks he'd found Spencer so easy to open up to because he'd understood. From the beginning, Spencer had understood.
"But, yes, that plan sounds good to me," he agrees before taking a bite of his cookie. "Or we could really make ourselves sick eating cookies all night, I'm not sure why everyone keeps writing off this plan as if it's not the best offer we've had."
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She looks between them, and her lips quirk into a smile. "I mean, you could, but then you probably won't want cookies the next time I make them, and who actually wants that? I make food all the time. Every day. There will always be more." She loves this, to be honest. People liking her food.
It helped bridge the gap, she thought. It helped bridge the gap between her own awkwardness and fear, and.... the thing she knew she was good at. That she liked doing for people. She paused, and then...
"You both are the closest thing I have to family, here." She's been resolutely avoiding thinking about her family - about Tennesee; and she even refuses to Google herself because she's terrified that her mother thinks she's dead, but every day that passes it's getting hard and harder to contact them.
But she can't.
Still, that's the truth. That's the truth, that they are family. "Thank you," she finally said quietly. "Just... for existing, I guess. And everything you've done for me."
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"Family," he repeats, and it's more to himself at first than either of them because up until a couple months ago, his boss at the library had been the closet thing to family, to a father figure, that he'd had after his mother and brother had died. It's not just blood, he's read that and heard it countless times, but he'd never had anyone show him what that really means. He wants to shake his head when Raleigh thanks him, tell her that it's Spencer that should be thanking her and Joel for making him feel for the first time in years like he's valued, like maybe there would be more than one person in the world who mourned if he were to ever disappear.
He doesn't even know how to begin to thank either of them, though. Somewhere along the line, they'd gotten under his skin and he wouldn't have it any other way. "I feel the same way," he eventually settles on saying, and he knows that isn't enough but it's all he can come up with right now.
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But he hadn't planned or accounted for Raleigh and Joel's usually so good at keeping his guard up. Something had happened with her, though, and somewhere along the way she'd gotten in without his even realizing it was happening.
"Yeah," he says in agreement to what they've both said and maybe it should be a surprise that he's able to admit that, but it feels natural. It feels like the only thing that makes sense to say and he smiles, leaning into Spencer a little before giving an exaggerated sigh. "Alright, I'll make real food for everyone when you're done in the kitchen. I promise."