Raleigh Harper / Emily Watkins (
callmeemily) wrote2014-06-01 10:23 pm
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you teach me squid i teach you bread (jason)
Things she probably should have thought about: the fact that they hadn't discussed what they were cooking, the fact that she probably wasn't even allowed to use this kitchen, the fact that she'd sort of... not <i>avoided</i> him, but she'd missed him the last couple of days and she didn't know if that was because she left the dog too early or what and she didn't actually have a way to see if he really wasn't busy, and...
Mostly, Raleigh's worrying because she can. Because there's not a lot else to do besides make sure she looks decent (she does; she even put on makeup (gasp)) and that she's not looking creepy. The bag of simple groceries is already inside because she decided that she could teach him how to make beer bread and honey orange butter and she'd make some of the best scrambled eggs ever, and that would be a plan. It would be a dinner, even. Of course, this meant that it wasn't a date. It was a <i>lesson</i>.
Totally different. Completely different.
Maybe.
For all she knew? He was married. Or gay. Or gay AND married. They hadn't really talked about it, and she didn't really know if she wanted to talk about it, and that's why she's got flour, butter, sugar, a pack of cheap beer, eggs, honey, creme fraiche, and chives. Because she's going to teach him how to cook, and then that's that.
Mostly, Raleigh's worrying because she can. Because there's not a lot else to do besides make sure she looks decent (she does; she even put on makeup (gasp)) and that she's not looking creepy. The bag of simple groceries is already inside because she decided that she could teach him how to make beer bread and honey orange butter and she'd make some of the best scrambled eggs ever, and that would be a plan. It would be a dinner, even. Of course, this meant that it wasn't a date. It was a <i>lesson</i>.
Totally different. Completely different.
Maybe.
For all she knew? He was married. Or gay. Or gay AND married. They hadn't really talked about it, and she didn't really know if she wanted to talk about it, and that's why she's got flour, butter, sugar, a pack of cheap beer, eggs, honey, creme fraiche, and chives. Because she's going to teach him how to cook, and then that's that.
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The first taste is unbelievable and his brows furrow as he nods happily. He has no words right now so he just enjoys the taste for a minute before licking his lips.
"I don't know what you just fed me but you've won over my loyalty like Alfredo," he grins.
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"You really like it? No need to get the hedgehog squeaker toy?" She's still grinning, and she's so pleased that she's actually wiggling with it, unable to keep still even though she doesn't stop leaning against the counter because it's not like she can just jump up and down.
It's the first time she's not followed a recipe to start with. She's been working on it for weeks; trying to balance the flavors, making sure that none of them overpower the rest, and it seems like maybe it's working.
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Jason's smiling because Raleigh is excited and he's never seen her this bouncy and proud before. As she should be because she managed to create something amazing. "You really got a talent here."
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She smiles wider, and she's very proud of herself - still smiling as she tugs her lower lip between her teeth. "You think? I mean, I'm not even a baker - like, I didn't go to school to be a pastry chef or anything." The truth is, she likes it. It was always just a hobby for her, cooking was a hobby, but here... here she's been given so much freedom that she's just sort of run with it.
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Jason can't even imagine a formal training in anything. School is a completely foreign concept to him. Still, he thinks she has a natural talent. "Well, you could keep experimenting. Or even look at studying it?"
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"I will - keep experimenting, I mean. I can't-" She shakes her head. "I mean, where would I go to school? Or how?" She actually laughs, but it's not with the joy from before, and she clears her throat. "I mean... think about it. I've been gone for nearly six months. I'm pretty sure I'm a missing person, if they haven't said-" I'm dead is what she's about to say and she just stops. It's such an abrupt crash down from the happiness of a moment ago that she actually puts down her spoon, and she clears her throat. "Dishes. They're done, I'll get them."
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He's not sure what to say. Raleigh is avoidance central. Jason is quiet, but he's also an open book. Finally, he settles for a simple, "I'm sorry" before slipping into thought about his own family. Did they ever think about him? Or did they simply wish he was dead?
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"You're good. Don't worry." She forces a smile, shrugging her shoulder. "It's just what it is, right?"
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"It is what it is," he agrees, giving her a reassuring smile. "We make a life out of what's given to us."
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"Just... It'll be okay, right?" She nods, and she doesn't know if she's trying to convince him, or herself. "And hey, no matter what, we did a good thing today. You can make bread, so. You know, that's a win."
She's trying so hard, even though she feels so alone. "Can you help me put these away? I can't reach where you got them." She just keeps on acting like everything's normal, even though she's not really... okay.
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"It'll be okay," he reassures her softly. "You're not alone anymore."
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Raleigh can't stop herself from leaning into him, her forehead against his chest, her eyes tightly closed. It's the first hug she's had in six months, and she has to force herself not to grip his shirt, not to hold onto him because she knows he's going to pull away and that's normal and makes sense; but she lets him hug her. She has to hold her breath so she doesn't cry, and she murmurs quietly. "Why are you doing this?" She doesn't get it; she just doesn't, but she huffs out a damp sort of laugh, pulling away just slightly. "If this is your reaction to that desert, I'll have to make it more often." And she's got tear tracks on her cheeks because she really had needed this.
She's trying to bring levity to it, and her hands are on his chest as she just takes one deep breath, and then another. "I know I'll be okay," she tries to promise. "You don't need to worry, okay?" Even though she's worried. She's terrified, but she's trying to make it not be as bad. She's trying to reassure him. "I'm alright."
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He nods. "It's okay to stumble, you know that right? It's okay to be scared or worried. And if you are, you know where I hang out."
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"Yeah. Yeah... it... helped. You help." She's looking up at him, and her eyes slip down to his mouth again before she looks away. "Thank you," she nods as she works on settling herself. "Thank you, for everything. You're- I'm lucky to have met you."
Looking away, she glances at the dishes. "We should get those back up," she says quietly. "And.... I'll just- I'll be okay, I sort of have a long day tomorrow." For just a moment - it's brief and fleeting, but her fingers catch his to twine and squeeze, before she slips away to wipe down the counters and make it like they were never there.
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"Of course." It's a small gesture, the squeeze, but a meaningful one. Jason picks up the rest of the dishes and puts them away, helping Raleigh clean up the kitchen as if they were never even here.
"I'll see you around, yeah?" He smiles at her as he heads to the door of the bakery. "Thanks for the dinner, Raleigh."