"You make it better by doing your best because that's all that you can do," he says, and he knows it's easier to say it, to hear it, than accept it. He knows that in spite of knowing it himself because he most certainly gives himself a hard time for flinching whenever something reminds him of Mark or the lighthouse. He'd given himself a hard time whenever Eli would come around to say something nasty when he knows the bully would only do it to get under Spencer's skin. There's a very fine dividing line between thinking with rationality and thinking with sensibility, and Spencer crosses it far more often now than he's sure he ever has.
He shifts so he can put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her and making sure that their eyes meet before he speaks again. "Raleigh, I know that it's difficult right now, but I want you listen to me. Really listen to me. You are not a monster. I know monsters, I've seen them and I carry them with me, and you are not a monster. You did make a choice, you're right, but you've just made another one. You told her and it doesn't matter anymore that you didn't before, you've told her now. Whether you waited this long to do it out of fear or because that's not a life you want to go back to or because you simply didn't want to is nobody business but your own. The fact is that these are decisions you've made and you're going to have to deal with whatever consequences they bring, and I don't think anyone can tell you that you've done the right or wrong thing, but I can tell you that none of it makes you a bad person."
He brushes a thumb over the stream of tears staining her cheeks, though it doesn't do much good, and gives a slight shake of his head. She's young, incredibly young, and with her red-rimmed, pleading eyes, she looks it.
"You're starting a bakery and kissing boys and being a beacon of bright light for someone who's been lost for such a long time," he continues, searching her eyes for any glimmer of acceptance or understanding. "You're not a monster, you're just... human. Like me. Flesh and blood and feelings, that's what we are."
He isn't saying any of this simply to make her feel better, though he hopes his words are soothing her distress even if just a little bit. He's saying this because he believes it, truly believes that Raleigh would never set out to intentionally hurt anyone. There's a reason she hadn't told her mother about being alive, but Spencer doesn't need to know what it is to know that it's good enough. He's more sympathetic about the fact that she's going to tell her brother, to be honest, because for most of his life, Dane had been the only one who could have really caused any deep pain within Spencer. It's like it is with Joel now, his husband could destroy him so easily if he ever decides to leave, and Spencer knows it's not going to happen but it had been a little frightening at first to realize such a thing.
He'd spent so much time worrying that one day, Dane would turn on him. Whether it be at school or at home or both, Spencer had known it would have broken him in an irreparable way. It had never happened; but in the end, Spencer had lost him anyway.
"If your relationship with your brother is anything like what mine was with mine, I promise you that he's likely to never feel more relief in his life then he will when he hears your voice again. Think of what it would be like to see him again. To touch him, hug him, talk to him. To not have to wonder if he's doing okay because you can see it for yourself." He gives her a sad smile. "If you want me to be with you when you tell your brother, I can be there, too. But I do agree that he needs to hear it from you."
no subject
He shifts so he can put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her and making sure that their eyes meet before he speaks again. "Raleigh, I know that it's difficult right now, but I want you listen to me. Really listen to me. You are not a monster. I know monsters, I've seen them and I carry them with me, and you are not a monster. You did make a choice, you're right, but you've just made another one. You told her and it doesn't matter anymore that you didn't before, you've told her now. Whether you waited this long to do it out of fear or because that's not a life you want to go back to or because you simply didn't want to is nobody business but your own. The fact is that these are decisions you've made and you're going to have to deal with whatever consequences they bring, and I don't think anyone can tell you that you've done the right or wrong thing, but I can tell you that none of it makes you a bad person."
He brushes a thumb over the stream of tears staining her cheeks, though it doesn't do much good, and gives a slight shake of his head. She's young, incredibly young, and with her red-rimmed, pleading eyes, she looks it.
"You're starting a bakery and kissing boys and being a beacon of bright light for someone who's been lost for such a long time," he continues, searching her eyes for any glimmer of acceptance or understanding. "You're not a monster, you're just... human. Like me. Flesh and blood and feelings, that's what we are."
He isn't saying any of this simply to make her feel better, though he hopes his words are soothing her distress even if just a little bit. He's saying this because he believes it, truly believes that Raleigh would never set out to intentionally hurt anyone. There's a reason she hadn't told her mother about being alive, but Spencer doesn't need to know what it is to know that it's good enough. He's more sympathetic about the fact that she's going to tell her brother, to be honest, because for most of his life, Dane had been the only one who could have really caused any deep pain within Spencer. It's like it is with Joel now, his husband could destroy him so easily if he ever decides to leave, and Spencer knows it's not going to happen but it had been a little frightening at first to realize such a thing.
He'd spent so much time worrying that one day, Dane would turn on him. Whether it be at school or at home or both, Spencer had known it would have broken him in an irreparable way. It had never happened; but in the end, Spencer had lost him anyway.
"If your relationship with your brother is anything like what mine was with mine, I promise you that he's likely to never feel more relief in his life then he will when he hears your voice again. Think of what it would be like to see him again. To touch him, hug him, talk to him. To not have to wonder if he's doing okay because you can see it for yourself." He gives her a sad smile. "If you want me to be with you when you tell your brother, I can be there, too. But I do agree that he needs to hear it from you."