Her face twisted as she looked down at her lap. "I've never had the chance to say goodbye. I know-" Her chin wobbles, and she rubs a hand over cheek, leaving a streak of dirt behind. "I know what it's like, twice, I've literally been saved by a miracle, and I know what it's like to regret it so-" She pulls in a breath. "So I wrote it all down while I still could, because I knew it was starting- I knew I was starting to get sick, and it would have just been a couple of days and there's this thing that happens, and-" She pressed her hands to her face, and then runs them up into her hair, finally looking over at him.
"Joel was never supposed to get that letter unless we didn't get off that island, and I couldn't- you can't just have that conversation with someone because no one wants to have it, and I get it, that's why I wrote it down, but it's- I'm so sorry that he found it. And that you know about it." She shakes her head. "I burned it. It's gone."
She pulled in a deep breath. "It's so- It's so weird, and Joel can't understand- he just can't, but it's- What happened on that island, it's... better. It's better. Because both of the other times I had no say, no control, no-" She's saying it because Spencer is the only one who could understand. She realised that about three minutes ago, that he's the only one. "And for once, I was able to be the person-" She scrubs at her cheek again, sniffling once.
"I was able to make a choice, and it's never been like that and it was okay."
She wasn't expecting them to talk about this, and she huffs out a breath. "It was okay, and that's important, and maybe I'm a little more okay now."
Tipping her head back, Raleigh takes a deep breath, and then from somewhere, there's a laugh. "How soon should I be looking at baking lessons?" She raises her eyebrows as she looks at him, still damp, still catching her breath, but it's better, and she doesn't even think before she moves to squeeze his hand. To just have that connection. "I mean, I just need to know if we're talking soon, or like... five years," she says as she raises her eyebrows. "If you know, anyway."
Licking her lips, she shakes her head slightly. "You both will be amazing parents." The words are soft. "You know that, right? Good dads."
TW: Mention of death (?)
"Joel was never supposed to get that letter unless we didn't get off that island, and I couldn't- you can't just have that conversation with someone because no one wants to have it, and I get it, that's why I wrote it down, but it's- I'm so sorry that he found it. And that you know about it." She shakes her head. "I burned it. It's gone."
She pulled in a deep breath. "It's so- It's so weird, and Joel can't understand- he just can't, but it's- What happened on that island, it's... better. It's better. Because both of the other times I had no say, no control, no-" She's saying it because Spencer is the only one who could understand. She realised that about three minutes ago, that he's the only one. "And for once, I was able to be the person-" She scrubs at her cheek again, sniffling once.
"I was able to make a choice, and it's never been like that and it was okay."
She wasn't expecting them to talk about this, and she huffs out a breath. "It was okay, and that's important, and maybe I'm a little more okay now."
Tipping her head back, Raleigh takes a deep breath, and then from somewhere, there's a laugh. "How soon should I be looking at baking lessons?" She raises her eyebrows as she looks at him, still damp, still catching her breath, but it's better, and she doesn't even think before she moves to squeeze his hand. To just have that connection. "I mean, I just need to know if we're talking soon, or like... five years," she says as she raises her eyebrows. "If you know, anyway."
Licking her lips, she shakes her head slightly. "You both will be amazing parents." The words are soft. "You know that, right? Good dads."