doublethepain: (things be weighing him down)
Spencer Waters-Baker ([personal profile] doublethepain) wrote in [personal profile] callmeemily 2014-08-18 05:33 am (UTC)

He tilts his head at her, watching the expressions change on her face, and he remembers Joel telling him that Raleigh had gone to that excessive six-course dinner party with Coop. He hasn't asked her about it, really hasn't quite thought much on it, to be honest, but he wonders now. He wonders and frankly, he worries a bit because as good of a man as Shea Cooper has always proven himself to be, Spencer knows that the gossip that surrounds him isn't just gossip. Coop's never tried to hide that part of himself, at least, and Spencer actually manages to appreciate that about him because he think it could be awfully easy for Coop to come off as too cocky or too flippant or too much of a rake; but at his core, he's kind. If Spencer had been a different kind of person, he thinks he would have liked to be Coop's friend from the beginning.

"Well, I'm glad you did," he finally answers, and he's unsure of whether it's right or not to pry about Coop because it's not as if Raleigh asks him questions about his and Joel's love life. Whether that's because she sees how they are with each other on a daily basis, he's not sure, but he wonders if it would be crossing a line. After a moment of sipping on his soup, he decides it's worth the risk. "Coop, he's a... friend of yours?" He rolls his eyes at himself. "Obviously he's a friend, you went to dinner together on the cruise but what I mean is, did he-- You-- Are there dates involved? I only ask because I've never known him to regularly date anyone, and I just-- My god, I'm a mess."

He can't keep his words straight, and he shakes his head even though it makes him wince from the bruise that's still a massive fixture on his temple. Move on, he thinks, it's time to just move on and if Raleigh wants to answer any of the jumble of questions he's just tried to ask, she can do so without further prodding.

"I was uncomfortable there," he admits with a one-shouldered shrug. "I think it was maybe a little too soon after what happened on that island to venture back into the fray, at least for me." He bites his lip when she mentions the gossip, and he can't be surprised by it but it still makes his chest tighten with concern for his boyfriend. Joel has worked so hard to keep his identity in Siren Cove a secret and to have that effort ruined in one night is... Well, Spencer can't help but feel guilty about it.

"It was my fault," he says quietly, picking at a piece of invisible lint on the bedsheet next to him. "Joel would never say that and rationally, I know it's not quite true, but I still feel like it is." He sighs, setting the bowl of soup down on the bedside table, suddenly having lost his appetite. "He used his magic in front of people to defend me. To defend me. I walked away because I couldn't handle it, and he-- he was there to clean up after my mess, like he always does."

There's no resentment in his tone, no ire. He loves Joel so much for doing this for him, feels so much gratitude that he has someone in his life willing put everything on the line for him; but that doesn't take away the needling guilt, the thoughts of what might have happened if only he'd stood his ground.

"I know, I know it's not on me. Joel and I, we'd do anything for each other." Spencer had thought he'd killed someone on the island to save Joel's life, after all, it's safe to say that everything Joel had done to Eli, Spencer would have done the same. "Sometimes I just... I just wish I felt as strong as Joel thinks I am."

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