A couple of times she's thought that she and Spencer are similar. They both withdraw, although in different ways and for different reasons. They also both have that odd independent streak, the one that says with blaring sirens, I don't want my hurts to hurt anyone else, even though they're not the ones who gets to make those choices.
Spencer has very nearly seen her at her worst, and that's something that very few people can say. Only Levi and Bach have seen her in a full-blown panic attack, and that's because Bach caused it, because Levi happened to be walking by when Raleigh was trapped on the front porch and couldn't get away from him. Spencer's the only other one, he's seen her break down at night, he's the only one she'll admit it to when she's having a hard time. Everyone else, there's a facade or else she's just not there, she's just needed the time to get away, and it actually includes Joel, most of the time. It's not that she doesn't love Joel or trust him, it's that he's different, and with Raleigh, it's a lot harder to have a companionable silence with Joel. She's got to fill the void, when right now she's more than happy to actually just be with him.
It'd killed her, that she thought he was dead. They haven't talked about it again, haven't talked about it since that day when she saw him and it all came crashing in; the knowledge that she was wrong, the heady rush of gratitude to some higher power that she was wrong, thank god. Thank god. It was terrifying, and it hurt so much when she was already hurt and in pain.
That's one of the many reasons she was here right now, content to sit on his bed and talk about books, or sit in silence, or-- whatever. She'd just sit with him, to just be with him, be around him, because he's family, and he's never shied away from her in a way that hurts. She'd heard through the gossip that something'd happened with Joel; that something happened, and it was with his powers and he'd been arrested, but he'd been home and she's heard so much gossip at this point that she doesn't even know what she believes - and if she's completely honest, completely and utterly honest... Right this second, she doesn't want to ask. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day she will, but currently she's so thankful that things are alright with her and Joel after the letter, after they just hung out on the porch... she doesn't want to ask.
Smiling when he meets her eyes, she looks tired, but good. Raleigh tends to run on all cylinders or none, she always pushes herself, and so it's actually really good to have the downtime. He asks about Coop's party, though, and she blinks in surprise. "I.... I did," she says with a nod, her lips curving up into a sort of half-smile at the memory, her eyes flicking to the blanket. She'd drunk too much, but she's 23 and she'd been all for celebrating the fact that they weren't all dead so she doesn't really regret it.
She saw a lot of friends, saw a lot of people she was glad that they were okay - and she was really glad it went well, too, because... because Coop's a good guy. He deserved a good birthday, and her brows just sort of furrow because-- because that's what she does when she thinks about Coop. "It was really- He's a really good guy, I'm not surprised the whole town turned out." She paused, the spoon for the soup back in her mug, and she chews on the inside of her lip for a second.
She's almost frowning, but not quite. It's... complicated, her thoughts on Coop, and she takes a deep breath and finally looks back at Spencer, smiling again as she just mentally sets that whole thing aside. "Joel told me that you get giggly when you're drunk. I get really... happy, so I think that sometime in the fall we should hang out, just the three of us." It's fond, the way she says it. She pauses, and then- "Was it okay for you? I know-" She pauses. "I heard some stuff, but it was gossip." Even though Spencer's been keeping to himself, which isn't exactly indicative of a good time, to be honest - and she bets that it had a lot to do with Joel getting into a fight and having a hell of a shiner and a busted lip, and having been arrested - but he didn't talk about the details, and she doesn't know if either one of them really wants to get into them. "So... I guess, before that, did you have an okay time? I know it's a little... Mrs. Lincoln, besides that, how was the play, but..." She frowns.
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Spencer has very nearly seen her at her worst, and that's something that very few people can say. Only Levi and Bach have seen her in a full-blown panic attack, and that's because Bach caused it, because Levi happened to be walking by when Raleigh was trapped on the front porch and couldn't get away from him. Spencer's the only other one, he's seen her break down at night, he's the only one she'll admit it to when she's having a hard time. Everyone else, there's a facade or else she's just not there, she's just needed the time to get away, and it actually includes Joel, most of the time. It's not that she doesn't love Joel or trust him, it's that he's different, and with Raleigh, it's a lot harder to have a companionable silence with Joel. She's got to fill the void, when right now she's more than happy to actually just be with him.
It'd killed her, that she thought he was dead. They haven't talked about it again, haven't talked about it since that day when she saw him and it all came crashing in; the knowledge that she was wrong, the heady rush of gratitude to some higher power that she was wrong, thank god. Thank god. It was terrifying, and it hurt so much when she was already hurt and in pain.
That's one of the many reasons she was here right now, content to sit on his bed and talk about books, or sit in silence, or-- whatever. She'd just sit with him, to just be with him, be around him, because he's family, and he's never shied away from her in a way that hurts. She'd heard through the gossip that something'd happened with Joel; that something happened, and it was with his powers and he'd been arrested, but he'd been home and she's heard so much gossip at this point that she doesn't even know what she believes - and if she's completely honest, completely and utterly honest... Right this second, she doesn't want to ask. Maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day she will, but currently she's so thankful that things are alright with her and Joel after the letter, after they just hung out on the porch... she doesn't want to ask.
Smiling when he meets her eyes, she looks tired, but good. Raleigh tends to run on all cylinders or none, she always pushes herself, and so it's actually really good to have the downtime. He asks about Coop's party, though, and she blinks in surprise. "I.... I did," she says with a nod, her lips curving up into a sort of half-smile at the memory, her eyes flicking to the blanket. She'd drunk too much, but she's 23 and she'd been all for celebrating the fact that they weren't all dead so she doesn't really regret it.
She saw a lot of friends, saw a lot of people she was glad that they were okay - and she was really glad it went well, too, because... because Coop's a good guy. He deserved a good birthday, and her brows just sort of furrow because-- because that's what she does when she thinks about Coop. "It was really- He's a really good guy, I'm not surprised the whole town turned out." She paused, the spoon for the soup back in her mug, and she chews on the inside of her lip for a second.
She's almost frowning, but not quite. It's... complicated, her thoughts on Coop, and she takes a deep breath and finally looks back at Spencer, smiling again as she just mentally sets that whole thing aside. "Joel told me that you get giggly when you're drunk. I get really... happy, so I think that sometime in the fall we should hang out, just the three of us." It's fond, the way she says it. She pauses, and then- "Was it okay for you? I know-" She pauses. "I heard some stuff, but it was gossip." Even though Spencer's been keeping to himself, which isn't exactly indicative of a good time, to be honest - and she bets that it had a lot to do with Joel getting into a fight and having a hell of a shiner and a busted lip, and having been arrested - but he didn't talk about the details, and she doesn't know if either one of them really wants to get into them. "So... I guess, before that, did you have an okay time? I know it's a little... Mrs. Lincoln, besides that, how was the play, but..." She frowns.