He hears them talking but he doesn't, he's too fixated on inching closer to the glass to pay closer attention. There's a small part of his mind that's functioning properly again, and he thinks--knows--it has to do with Joel's mere presence, the fact that the man he loves is here to save him yet again. It's not until he feels the weight of Joel's hands on his shoulders, though, that Spencer realizes he's not crying anymore. His heart is still racing in his chest, he still feels like he could be sick, and the pounding in his head hadn't stopped; but he's stopped crying and as he slowly breaks his gaze from the glass and lets his eyes search Joel's, he feels a familiar sense of comfort wash over him.
Of course I found you. We had a date.
He feels himself start to wilt under Joel's touch and stumbles toward the other man, practically knocking him over as Spencer clings to Joel's shirt, clings to anything to make sure his boyfriend's really here and okay and that the worst is over, has been over for weeks now. "You found me," he echoes, and he takes a deep, shaky breath as he repeats it to himself again and again just like he'd did that night but this time, they're not in the lighthouse. They're at home, their home, the one they share with Raleigh. He feels so foolish, he wants to turn and run so he can hide his face from them both but that would mean being away from the safety of Joel's arms and he can't afford to lose that right now; he can't afford to ever lose that.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, and he makes eye contact with Raleigh when he says it, the guilt evident in his tone and in his eyes. Still clinging to Joel's shirt with one hand, he pulls back just a little to examine his boyfriend's face, reaching up with his other to smooth the worry lines from Joel's forehead and curving down to brush his fingertips against Joel's cheek. "I'm sorry. I love you so much, I'm so sorry."
It's getting easier to breathe--not by much quite yet, but it's easier--and he rests shifts so that his body is turned slightly toward Raleigh as he wraps an arm around Joel's waist, still needing that contact to anchor him. "It wasn't your fault," he says, echoing what he's finally processed as Joel's words from earlier because he would never want Raleigh to believe that she's the cause for his pain. It had been Mark, he tells himself, fighting the needling thought that if only he'd been smarter, faster, stronger, he could have gotten himself out of that whole mess without getting Joel hurt. It had been Mark. "I'm sorry for all of this."
no subject
Of course I found you. We had a date.
He feels himself start to wilt under Joel's touch and stumbles toward the other man, practically knocking him over as Spencer clings to Joel's shirt, clings to anything to make sure his boyfriend's really here and okay and that the worst is over, has been over for weeks now. "You found me," he echoes, and he takes a deep, shaky breath as he repeats it to himself again and again just like he'd did that night but this time, they're not in the lighthouse. They're at home, their home, the one they share with Raleigh. He feels so foolish, he wants to turn and run so he can hide his face from them both but that would mean being away from the safety of Joel's arms and he can't afford to lose that right now; he can't afford to ever lose that.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, and he makes eye contact with Raleigh when he says it, the guilt evident in his tone and in his eyes. Still clinging to Joel's shirt with one hand, he pulls back just a little to examine his boyfriend's face, reaching up with his other to smooth the worry lines from Joel's forehead and curving down to brush his fingertips against Joel's cheek. "I'm sorry. I love you so much, I'm so sorry."
It's getting easier to breathe--not by much quite yet, but it's easier--and he rests shifts so that his body is turned slightly toward Raleigh as he wraps an arm around Joel's waist, still needing that contact to anchor him. "It wasn't your fault," he says, echoing what he's finally processed as Joel's words from earlier because he would never want Raleigh to believe that she's the cause for his pain. It had been Mark, he tells himself, fighting the needling thought that if only he'd been smarter, faster, stronger, he could have gotten himself out of that whole mess without getting Joel hurt. It had been Mark. "I'm sorry for all of this."