Spencer hasn't done this before. He's played the role of mourner for his entire family now, but he's never been attacked worse than some moderately aggressive bullying in school. Sometimes it still surprises him when he tries to move the three broken fingers on his left hand and finds that he can't, that it's still just as painful as the last time he'd tried. He hates that Emily has previous experience to draw from; she's so young, not that it would be any easier or fairer if she were older, and right now she looks so small that Spencer is nearly tempted to pull her into a hug if he thought himself more capable of not making it seem awkward.
He doesn't acknowledge the part about not eating well. He's not necessarily eating poorly, not with Joel around to make sure of it, but nothing seems to sit well and when he can't block out the thoughts and images of what had happened long enough, the nausea hits and he has to fight hard to keep from being sick. "I have nightmares, too," he says softly and though he holds onto her hand, he lets his eyes drop down to the floor. He doesn't like to talk about them, though he can't imagine anyone likes to talk about nightmares; but even jolting awake from then while in Joel's arms, he's more likely to insist he's fine, that Joel should go back to sleep, than dwell out it any further--at loud, at least.
"I let him in. I thought it was Joel at the door so I called for him to come in, and he found me in the library. I didn't even-- I turned around and there he was. I had two drinks in my hand, he grabbed one of the glasses and hit me..." He cringes at the memory, at the sound of the shattering glass that he still thinks he hears even when he's doing the most mundane of things like brushing his teeth. "When I woke up, I was in the lighthouse. He'd tied my hands and feet together with zipties, and I'd never felt so helpless before that. He kept asking me all these questions, I wouldn't answer him because-- because I didn't want him to give the satisfaction, and I think a part of me wanted to feel like I at least fought back in my way. He asked me how long I thought it would take for anyone to notice I was gone and the thing is, I knew Joel would know. We had a date, he-- of course he'd know. But anyone else, to be completely honest, I wasn't so sure."
He hadn't had too much time to dwell on that before Mark had broken another finger, and Spencer shakes his head to bring himself out of the memory before he can get too far into it. "Anyway. The point is, it's not that you just shouldn't be alone, it's that you don't have to be. You have friends who care about you. I care about you so if you're going to have nightmares in my house, I'm going to make sure I'm there when you wake up as much as I can." He pauses, narrowing his eyes. "If that's okay, I mean. Whatever you want to do is okay by me."
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He doesn't acknowledge the part about not eating well. He's not necessarily eating poorly, not with Joel around to make sure of it, but nothing seems to sit well and when he can't block out the thoughts and images of what had happened long enough, the nausea hits and he has to fight hard to keep from being sick. "I have nightmares, too," he says softly and though he holds onto her hand, he lets his eyes drop down to the floor. He doesn't like to talk about them, though he can't imagine anyone likes to talk about nightmares; but even jolting awake from then while in Joel's arms, he's more likely to insist he's fine, that Joel should go back to sleep, than dwell out it any further--at loud, at least.
"I let him in. I thought it was Joel at the door so I called for him to come in, and he found me in the library. I didn't even-- I turned around and there he was. I had two drinks in my hand, he grabbed one of the glasses and hit me..." He cringes at the memory, at the sound of the shattering glass that he still thinks he hears even when he's doing the most mundane of things like brushing his teeth. "When I woke up, I was in the lighthouse. He'd tied my hands and feet together with zipties, and I'd never felt so helpless before that. He kept asking me all these questions, I wouldn't answer him because-- because I didn't want him to give the satisfaction, and I think a part of me wanted to feel like I at least fought back in my way. He asked me how long I thought it would take for anyone to notice I was gone and the thing is, I knew Joel would know. We had a date, he-- of course he'd know. But anyone else, to be completely honest, I wasn't so sure."
He hadn't had too much time to dwell on that before Mark had broken another finger, and Spencer shakes his head to bring himself out of the memory before he can get too far into it. "Anyway. The point is, it's not that you just shouldn't be alone, it's that you don't have to be. You have friends who care about you. I care about you so if you're going to have nightmares in my house, I'm going to make sure I'm there when you wake up as much as I can." He pauses, narrowing his eyes. "If that's okay, I mean. Whatever you want to do is okay by me."