callmeemily | times, they are a changin'

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times, they are a changin' - for Joel CLOSED

After the day she's had, Joel had better have this shit figured out.

Her leg hurts, for one. She's been taking the potion thing he's made her pretty much constantly for the last couple of weeks, and she figured she should stop before he just up and fixes it... but she's not used to it, anymore. That, and she's been doing some things that maybe she shouldn't, like clubbing and wearing heels, but it's not like she's going to let anything hold her back from what she wants to do.

Except now? Now her leg hurts.

He'd first talked to her about it almost a year ago, and maybe it's taken him this long, or maybe he's been too busy with Spencer and Dane and honestly, she gets that she's not married to him or his son or whatever, but they're supposed to be family. She's tired of coming last with people - and yeah, she's last, because otherwise he would have probably fixed her leg sooner if he could have done it this whole time.

At least, that's what makes sense. It's what she told himself after he called. He said that he'd finally figured it out, but it's not like he's really had time to look into it lately, what with the baby and all - she wondered just how long she'd been dealing her leg, and he'd known how to fix it. Well, maybe not dealing because he made her the potions, but it's not like having to take them every six hours was easy.

But she's finally fired that freeloader Amber, and maybe people just don't get how hard it is to run a business, but she's here, and Joel will fix her leg, and then she can figure out what the hell she wants to do after that. So she knocks, and pastes on a friendly smile that actually ends up looking vaguely irritated, to get this show on the road.

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Even before she knocks on the door, Joel is at least vaguely aware something isn't quite right. He'd spoken with Spencer earlier when his husband had come home, he knows about the interaction they'd had outside Raleigh's bakery and right now Joel isn't sure what to make of any of it. A few weeks ago, he would have never been able to imagine her firing Amber without cause, not only because it's a bad business move, but because she knows what it's like to be in a situation like that, where money isn't always an easy thing to come by, but Spencer insisted she had and Joel believes him.

He just doesn't understand why.

Dane is just about asleep on his shoulder when she knocks -- Spencer always has an easier time feeding him, but lately Joel's been able to get him to drift off to sleep better, so they trade off, back and forth, feeding to Spencer, setting him down for a nap to Joel -- and he's rubbing his son's back gently as he opens the door. Once he's down, they can get to work, and Spencer had promised to look after Dane for the duration. He'd prefer to be able to ask his husband for help, he'd much rather he be there to draw strength from if necessary, but it's important Dane have someone with him.

"Hi," he says, his voice soft as he holds the door open with one hand. "Come on it." There's something about her smile that seems off, like she's annoyed with him before having even spoken to him and it's a response that makes Joel uncertain at the best of times. Right now, while he's preparing to do a rather large, rather intricate spell that still may yet backfire if he's not extremely careful, it digs into him even deeper. It unsettles him.

Once this is fixed, Raleigh's going to have to try to fix a lot of things. A lot of things.

But right now, her only priority is pretty much herself. "Hey, Joel," she says with that same smile, until her eyes fall on Dane. For just a second, there's a softness that was there a few weeks ago when she'd first met their son, before it melted away. "Is he sleeping, or just hanging out?" Her voice is pitched low enough that she's not going to wake up the baby.

She hopes he's sleeping, or close to it. She knows full well that if Dane was fussing, at the very least Joel would be distracted instead of just giving the baby to Spencer, but whatever. "And how are you?" It's a little delayed, but whether or not she really cares, she should at least ask.

"Almost sleeping," he says, taking a peek down at Dane to see that he is, indeed, almost off to sleep. "I have an easier time getting him off to sleep, so once he's out, I'll hand him off to Spencer and we can get going." There's something not quite right about Raleigh's smile and her expression, something he isn't used to seeing in her face, but he doesn't want to push her. Maybe something is going on that he doesn't know about, so all he can really do is that he's promised her he would.

"I'm okay. Tired, but you know, I figure that's expected," he says with a soft laugh as he leads her into the house. That's not only because of the baby, but because he's been poring over this spell, making sure every last detail is right. He's not just duplicating something someone has done before, he's creating an entirely new spell and he needs to be absolutely certain before he performs it on someone he cares about.

"How's your leg feeling?" he asks. "Do you want anything before I pass him off to Spencer and we get started?"

"Awesome," she says with a smile that's... odd. It's just as odd as the rest of it. "He really is cute. And super well behaved, which is kind of amazing for a baby." Mostly because he's not screaming his head off every five seconds, the way her brother had when he was a baby.

"Well, yeah. I mean. even if he's a good baby, you can't be getting much sleep right now." She comes in, and peeks around a little bit - just to see if anything's really moved around, and where Spencer was, that sort of thing. Blinking, she realises that he asked her a question, and she shrugs. "I mean, it's pretty awful," she admits. After all, he should know, right? "But it's usually awful, when I don't take the medicine you gave me. I just try and ignore it, you know? It's just really hard, because it's there, all the time." She doesn't downplay it, doesn't give it any caveats - not like she normally would.

"But I think I'm good, unless you have some decent drinks hanging around."

Something strange is going on, he can see that much, but he can't pinpoint what it might be and so he nods as she speaks. She's being relatively candid, which he appreciates given what they're about to attempt, but it's also unusual for her. There's something almost dismissive in her tone, too, and it seems to apply to just about everything. Her leg, the baby, the fact that she's here at all. Joel frowns slightly, but he knows he hasn't seen her in recent weeks. He's been busy with Dane, with making sure this spell isn't going to go terribly awry, and it's entirely possible he's just missed something.

"Well, there's whiskey, but I'd rather we both be sober for this," he says, huffing out a soft laugh, trying to make a joke out of something that doesn't feel very funny. "Just give me a second, I'll be right back."

He retreats upstairs for a few minutes to pass Dane to Spencer, give his husband a kiss and he almost admits that something feels strange. Instead he just collects the things he'll need for the spell and heads back downstairs to where he's left Raleigh. "I think I want to work outside in the yard," he tells her. "It's more open, we'll have more space and if anything catches fire, it'll be a little easier to deal with." That is a joke, but as with everything else, it feels forced and flat.

"Yeah, we'll save the drinks for after," she says with a shrug, and then takes Dane upstairs. While he's gone, Raleigh pokes through the things that're around - the mail, the stacks of books on the table, the whole thing, because she's curious and there's no reason she shouldn't, since she used to live here, and of course she's concerned about her friends.

Her brows arch up at some of the mail, but when she hears the creak of Joel's feet on the stairs she tidies what she'd been looking at, and moves back towards the stairway by the time he gets within sight. "Well, I... hope nothing catches on fire?" She says it with a smile, and she's trying not to seem irritated. "I mean, we're going for better leg, not spontaneous combustion, so hopefully it'll be at least easy to avoid the whole flame thing."

She's trying, sort of, to at least have good humor, but honestly she's doing about as good as he is. She's nervous - incredibly so, and it hurts and she's just.... it's like everything's just getting right on her nerves. She follows him out into the backyard, trying not to think of Spencer's family, the way she always does a little when she's out here.

The yard has changed significantly since Raleigh lived here, both Joel and Spencer have seen to that. The grass is mowed regularly, the weeds have been cleared away and the little loveseat he'd bought for their movie night has been moved to the porch where it sits under an awning, away from the sun and the rain. It might never be that Spencer is entirely comfortable out here and Joel is alright with that, but they had both known they needed a place for Dane to run around, a place for him to play. They'll have to be careful, being so close to the water, but Joel has plans for a swing set and a sandbox near the house.

There are two lawn chairs in the middle of the yard, sturdy wood, unpainted and handmade. "Take a seat," Joel says as he drags over the small table he'd placed nearby. He drapes a sheet white cloth over it, then sets to work placing candles at the four points of the compass. He's nervous because this is a spell he's created with the help of his mother and some consultation from Coop. He's never done anything like this before and he can't pretend he isn't a little nervous as a result.

"I'm going to put you into a trance first," he tells her. "It'll make it easier for me to work with your leg and it'll make you a little less nervous about it, which will help me, too." Lighting the candles, Joel looks up at her across the table and asks, "Are you ready?"

"It looks nice out here." She'd seen it at the baby shower, but clearly they'd been making strides in making it even more welcoming. It was clear that they'd been trying, and she wondered if she could talk them into letting her throw a party out here - probably not, given the whole water danger thing that was still totally valid.

She sits carefully - the uneven ground had made this a struggle, since she's not exactly used to the amount of pain anymore, since she'd been taking his potions around the clock for weeks. But he says he'll put her in a trance, and for a second all she feels is suspicion. He could ask her anything while she was in a trance, right? That's how that worked? But still, she wants to get this fixed, finally, and she doesn't want him to have any reason not to just do it, so she nods. "Okay. Yeah, do what you need to do." She shrugs, and blows out a breath, looking at him expectantly. Not thanking him, not really even talking to him, just sort of.... treating him like somebody who's just doing something for her.

The fact that something is wrong is still nudging gently at the back of Joel's mind, though he's mostly set it aside, attributing it to the fact that this is going to be a significant change. For the both of them. If he's successful, Raleigh won't have pain in her leg any longer and he won't know quite what to do with himself. Having visions, seeing auras, being able to mix a potion, those are all things Joel's been able to do his whole life. They're just a part of him. But creating a spell from the ground up, being able to heal someone in this manner, it's bigger than he knows what to do with.

And it scares him a little.

"Focus on this candle here," he says, letting his finger hover over the flame of the candle that's at the north. She's seated right in front of it for a reason, Raleigh at the north, Joel at the south. "Breathe slowly and focus on the flame and when you're relaxed, I want you to count back slowly from ten."

Ever since the demon, seeing auras has become almost second nature, but he's learned to control it better, push it back. In the past few weeks, he's gotten good at seeing them only when he wants to and later, when he sits down and really thinks about it, when he talks about it with Spencer, that's the only reason he'll be able to come up with for why he hadn't noticed sooner.

He takes a deep breath, shifts his focus from the candle flame to her face, and the words die on his tongue. He's done it without thinking, let his gaze shift in that way he does, and what he sees when he looks at her is horrible. Her leg is an angry red, alight with pain, but that isn't the part that upsets him. Her aura, usually so bright, has turned an ugly, muddy brown. There are places here and there where it still shines through, but they're minimal and barely there at all. Something is wrong with her. Something is deeply wrong.

Joel shoves back from the table without thinking, knocking two candles to the grass where they sputter and go out. "Raleigh," he says, but he doesn't know where to go from there.

Raleigh takes a deep breath, and she's ignoring the pain in her leg the best she can as she does what he says. Sure, it's scary, and she knows it, but she pulls in a breath, then lets it out.

Relaxing, though - even as she counts back from ten, her voice soft to her own ears... it happens more. The bright parts - shifting and small, they fade even more, because what's been happening while she's sleeping, while she's zoned out, while she's not actively wondering how things have changed... that's when what makes her who she is has been being pulled from her.

She gets to seven before he shoves back the table, before the candles roll off the table with a splash of wax, and Raleigh scrambles up to her feet even though that's a horrible idea given her leg. "What!? What is wrong with you?" She's angry and scared and it hurts, but her mind immediately jumps to the uncharitable. "Look, if you can't do it, you can't, and maybe I'll just find somebody else who actually cares."

Later, she'll remember this. Later, she'll remember this and thank Joel for figuring out what's the matter, for putting her back. She'll also apologize.

But right now? Nope. She's just mad and self-righteous.

"What's wrong with me?" he hisses, standing several feet from the table, his hands trembling. The rest of what she says barely even registers because now he understands. Not entirely, it doesn't all make sense, he can't work out the details of what exactly is happening and why, but he understands. Whoever this is, it isn't Raleigh. Or it's part of her and the rest has been taken away or restrained somehow. This woman, the one who fired Amber, the one who barely seems to know how to smile anymore, the one who's generally been treating Joel like he's some random stranger she's paying to do a job for her, this is not Raleigh.

"What's wrong with me?" he says again, his voice rising slightly, and he knows this isn't the best way to deal with any of this, but he remembers what it had been like. The demon chipping away at him bit by bit, taking over, gaining more and more control as time went on. "Raleigh, what's wrong with you? Your aura... it... w-what happened? W-what's been going on? You haven't said anything. It's all wrong. Nothing looks right, your aura is all wrong." He's panicking now, he has no idea what to do, what to say, his words start to run into one another and he's stuttering, stammering in the way he does when he's nervous or afraid.

Because right now, he's terrified. Something is happening to her and it's either too far gone for there to be anything left of her or she genuinely doesn't know.

"Yes! What's wrong with you!" She's staring at him like he's crazy, because right now? Right now he's acting like he's gone insane, and she's got half a mind to just go get Spencer, never mind that he's got the baby. "You're yelling, what is-"

And that's when he asks what's wrong with her, and then he talks about her aura and it's somehow echoed from the past, when they'd had this discussion in January. She looks at her hands, like she'd be able to see something, but of course she can't. It's perfectly polished nails where they'd been chipped, it's nails that were longer instead of cut short because she's been barely working anyway, but Joel's all but yelling at her, and she can't see whatever he sees.

"I don't know! Maybe your aura seeing thing is broken! Nothing is going on, I'm just trying to get my leg fixed so, you know, I'm not a cripple. Seems like that's going well." The anger and sarcasm are thick in her voice, and she's staring at Joel like she doesn't even understand him.

"No," he says, his voice firm. "No, there's nothing wrong with what I'm seeing." Because even now, everything else looks the same. From his own chest stretches that column of light, moving toward the house where he knows it's connected to Spencer. His own hands look like they always have and he knows if he goes inside, Spencer and Dane will look the same, too.

There's nothing wrong with him. There's nothing wrong with what he's seeing.

"I'm not performing any spell on you while you're like this," he says. She's not even aware that something is wrong, she's not aware of how strange she's acting, and Joel is trying to think of what might be causing this and coming up empty. He needs more time. He has to get his hands on some of his books. "Raleigh, please, something is wrong with you. With something inside you. Why would I ever lie to you about this?"

She's staring at him like he's lost his mind. Full on lost his mind. And then he says he's not fixing her leg, and she can't stop the way her eyes well up. "Right. Right, great. You know, you could just have been honest. If you didn't want to do it, or couldn't- Really glad to know that I get to keep being the girl with the limp forever, and isn't it such a shame such a pretty girl has such a visible disability." She remembers how she told him that a long time ago, that the old ladies would say that to her.

He asks why he would lie, and Raleigh shrugged, scrubbing at her cheek. "You know what? I don't know. I mean, even before the baby showed up, I get that Spencer's the center of your world and everybody else just sort of orbits you both, but god, I lived with you. You saw how much it hurts-" She hates that she's crying, and all she can think is that for some reason Joel is lying. Maybe he's not able to fix her leg, maybe he doesn't want to for some reason, but she doesn't feel any different, or like anything's wrong. It's worse that he's, to her perspective, lying to her about this than just him not being able to heal her leg.

"You know what?" She sucks in a breath. "Forget it. Just forget it." Shaking her head, her voice is filled with pure anger. "I don't know why I thought you'd do it anyway. It's just what my leg is. It's fucked up. The end."

He has to remind himself that this isn't Raleigh speaking to him, not really, because the words, however true they might be, still sting. Another indication, as far as he's concerned, that something is going on, because Raleigh has never said anything like that to anyone. Even in times when she should, even when Joel thinks she has every right to be angry or to shout, she never does. Even when that man on the street had grabbed her, she'd reacted like he was in the right, like it was her fault.

This isn't Raleigh. Not like she's supposed to be.

The worst part is that he's sure now. He can fix her leg. And he wants to. But that isn't the most important thing at the moment. That can wait until he's found a way to fix this first, whatever it might be. No matter what she says, there's something wrong, he can see it and now he's beginning to realize how strange she's been for the past few weeks. Everything Spencer has said to him, the things he's heard from Coop, it makes sense.

"Shut up," he says and he's going to regret it down the road when she's back to normal. There is no other option, she's going to be normal again, he's not going to just leave this and let it go. "This isn't about your leg. I don't know if you honestly can't see or feel that something is wrong or if you're still in there somewhere and something else is speaking for you, but if you are, you listen to me. I'm not going to leave you like this. I'm going to help you." And at the moment he has no idea where to begin, but he's already making a list of the people he needs to contact.

It's when he tells her to shut up that she rolls her eyes, staring at him in disbelief. "What? Oh, and I'm the one who's acting weird." He's never told her to shut up - honestly, she's never heard him say it like that to pretty much anybody, and now she's glaring at him. "Oh, now you think I'm possessed? Sometimes, Joel, people are just mad at you because you're being a jerk. You can't just pull the demonic possession card, come on!"

He says he's going to help her, and all she can think of is the people who've offered to 'help' her over the years with her leg. The ones who acted like she somehow wasn't just physically messed up, but mentally, that she could never have a good life, that nobody would care about her. "I don't need your help. Thanks for the kum-by-yah, but I think I'm good." She shakes her head, and she just turns around, and leaves. Where she's planning to go, she doesn't even know-- but it's definitely not here.

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times, they are a changin' - for Joel CLOSED

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